Today, be a pal and shoot anyone who says, "What it is is..."

Shoot and then mutilate the corpse of anyone who says, "What it is is it's a..."

That second one is starting to take hold. These people need to be put down NOW.

(If you're against killing, at least make a whole lotta fun of these people and call them illiterate morons.)

Other phrases I don't like:

"Not a good thing." 1984 is upon us! People don't like to say that something is bad (It's so darn negative!). So instead we'll say that something isn't good. It's only a short while until people start saying things are "ungood." That's when we all readily accept the happiness of sitcoms.

"You might wanna..." People only say this so they won't sound like assholes. "I don't want to TELL you what to do. So I'll tell you what you MIGHT wanna do..." No, they don't sound like assholes. They sounds like fucking idiots. I'd rather have an asshole tell me off any day.

(And people are much more frequently using "You might wanna..." in an incredibly condescending tone, essentially saying, "You are going against everything I know to be right and true. If you want my opinion of you to change, YOU MIGHT WANNA let go of the microwave before you jump in the swimming pool."

"There you go." Anytime someone uses this in response to something you said, what he means is "I don't give a fuck what you're talking about. I'm busy in my own world and would really like to get back to what I was doing before you started talking to me. I don't want to look like an asshole so I'll pretend I somewhat care about you until you've stopped talking. At that time I will actively not care about you again. And since I haven't really listened to anything you've said, I'll answer with the simple all-purpose phrase, 'There you go'. Now fuck off."

Think about the times you've heard this phrase. It's usually right when the other person STOPS TALKING. It's like this:

You: "Yeah, so when I get home, I'm gonna tune up my guitar and learn how to play that old Wings song."
Him: "There you go."

You: "Yeah, so when I get home, I'm gonna turn on my computer and download the latest updates for all my peripherals."
Him: "There you go."

You: "Yeah, so when I get home, because I'm such a miserable retch, I'm gonna take a knife and open up a vein."
Him: "There you go."

The only exception to "There you go" being a fuck off phrase is when someone like me (a waiter) serves something to a guest. On occasion, I will set down a Coke and say, "There you go." I mean nothing derogatory by it in that situation.

But the rest of the time, "There you go," means shut the fuck up.

Good lord, I think I'm out of phrases I hate!

No, there are more. Many more. But it's late and I'm not feeling very angry. When I'm angry, I rant better. As it is, I feel like reading the rest of this fine Barry Wean comic.